Journal entry no 6 ( I miss her already)

Everytime I look at this picture, I feel so sad because I wonder when will I meet her again. This is my best friend in this whole wide world. Her name is Iylia Elena and she was my classmates when we were form 3 and we were still close when we were no longer classmates in form 4 and 5. But not everybody knows that she is actually a year younger than me (She skipped from standard 3 to standard 5 because of PTS). The first time I met her was when we were form 1. We both studied in SMK Aminuddin Baki. We both were in class 1 Cekal and I was sitting behind her. We hardly talked in class and I never really knew her that time because I transfered to MRSM Serting a month later. But I transfered back to SMK Aminuddin Baki when I was form 3. It was like a fate or something, I was brought to class 3 Cekal and I remembered all of them who were my classmates for a month during form 1 and so were they. This time didn't sit near Iylia but we were in the same row and eventually we started to hang out together and we became so closed. We also found out that she lived nearby and that made me always go to her place whenever I was bored. Well, those were the days.

This picture was taken about a year and a half ago. We were at the Hang Tuah's LRT station waiting for the train to Ampang to go home after spending most of our day at Bukit Bintang, Sungei Wang and also Times Square. It was 4 days before i went back to Shah Alam for a new semester and she was getting ready to go back to UTP, where she is currently studying right now. We decided to hang out for the last time because we hardly met each other as both of us were busy with our studies and she is studying in UTP Perak while I'm in UiTM Shah Alam. We wanted to spend a quality time together to make up all the times that we have missed; especially birthdays.

We share the same month of birthday which is September and her birthday is 3 weeks earlier than mine. She is on the 7th September and mine is 21st September. We are both Virgo Lady. People always said that we cannot be friends with someone who has the same star as us because we are so similar that we cannot stand each other. But, it is different between me and Iylia. We can get along very well even though we drive each other crazy sometimes, but we still love each other. There were three of us that day. And the third person, who is not in this picture is named Ummi. She is one of my closest friends and she was the one who took this picture for us. This was the last time we met until this recent raya. It had been almost a year that i had not met her and thank god for raya!

Even though she is a year younger than me, the way she thinks, the way she talks and the way she dresses herself, does not show that she is younger than me but she is actually much more mature than me. I am so impressed with her as she can cope with anything such as pressure and she still can do well in her studies and also her social life and be happy at the same time. She still managed to have fun and enjoy her life. If it was me, I will be like a zombie with no face expression and being moody for the whole day or even week. Iylia is so bubbly, friendly, cute, nice, intelligent, understanding, open-minded, and there are so many other things to describe her. She is what she looks like.

Having her as a friend, makes me feel that I will never be left alone. She is always there for me and she has never let me down, yet. But I know that she will never do that. We have been friends for about 6 years and it is still strong and it'll be stronger. She and I are a little bit similar in some ways. We both love to shop and we have the same taste on clothes, shoes, bag or handbag and even accessories. We have bought several things that are the same and we did not buy it together. Coincedence? I don't know but that is one of the example. We also have the same taste in music and also in most of our point of view on something. And sometimes we even "bluetooth" what we were thinking in our heads! And only she who gets my jokes. haha..

I already miss her even though I just met her a couple of weeks ago. She'll be having her practical end of this year which means it'll get harder to meet her than it is right now. We have planned so many things to do before she starts her practical and I hope that we could manage to do it all.

Being just me

Being just me.

I've tried my best,
Just to please you,
But you still don't see me,
What do you want me to do,
Just to make you see me?

I decided to be just myself,
Because I'm tired,
Of being someone else,
Of being someone with no identity,
Of being someone that has never been seen,
Or even appreciated,
By someone like you.

I decided to be myself,
Because it is easier,
No more lies,
No more 'plastic',
No more pleasing you,
But me.

I don't care if you still don't like me,
Now people see me as I am,
And I am happy,
That they happy,
To see me being just me,
If you hate me for that,
There's nothing I can do,
But feeling sorry for you,
For hating me being myself,
And everybody loves me for me.

A poem from my best friend

Of You and Me

Do you hear that sound?
It is the sound of the sea,
Do you remember that day?
It was only the four of us,
The Inseperable Ones,
That was what they called us.

We were having fun,
Enjoying our last time of freedom,
Before any of us lost it,
To be together,
To cry together,
To laugh together,
To be happy together.

What happen now?
Where are you?
All of you,
We were inseperable,
But now?

This picture,
It is the last memory I have,
Of you and me,
Of us,
I want new picture,
For a new memory,
Of you and me.

A poem to my best friend

Dream.

3 days and 3 nights,
I was alone,
I was stranded,
With nothing but only myself.

I was scared,
Nobody was there,
I cried and cried,
And I was still there,
Only the sun, the moon and stars were there for me.

I woke up,
With the sound of the waves,
the smell of the ocean,
and the sand under my feet,
It felt so different,
I felt calm,
No longer scared,
But contented.

I miss those days,
The feeling of being alone,
But happy and free,
It is what I longing for,
It is my dream,
A dream that never came true.

Forget me, Dear Nad

Please..

Don't even try to know where I am now,
I'm trying tp forget the past,
You should too.

The past is all about the pain,
And I can't bear it anymore,
Remembering you would only hurt me,
I'm no longer the person that was in the picture,
I was happy before.

Having you was the best thing happened in my life,
But life is not a fairy tale,
So please...
Stop looking for me,
Forget me,
Forget the person you've known in that picture,
Just forget me please,
It is not worth it to dwell in the past,
You should know better.

So please,
There is nothing more I can say,
Just please.

To my dear old friend..

Remember..

It was 20 years ago,
I still remember,
It was a happy place,
That everybody will be,
And there he was,
Dancing and smiling,
all alone-covered in white.

I was always there,
looking and smiling and laughing at him,
the way he danced,
the way he grooved,
he didnt even care,
when everybody was looking.

I miss those days,
when everybody had fun,
he was there,
to entertain us,
i wonder
did he remember us?

Hey Ms PINKy..

Hey Ms PINKy..
wherever i go,
i will always think of you.
you are the best among others,
and you keep me warm,
whenever i'm with you.


Your smell,
it comforts me,
Your touch,
it make me calm,
The walls,
they know me,
they know all my secrets,
they listen to me,
and it is the only place where i feel safe.

Oh Ms PINKy,
i think because of you
you have made me become a sleep lover.

-describing 4 items-

the nine items are:

• Dusty radio*
• Rugby ball*
• Fortune-telling cards*
• Leather jacket*
• Business card*
• Silver locket with inscription*
• Bottle of herbal medicine*
• Jar of sharpened pencils*
• Brand new laptop*

here the story goes:

i walked around at a mall looking for something interesting for myself. and suddenly, i stopped at this shop that sells a lot of cool clothes. and there was one particular clothe that caught my eye. it was a leather jacket. i have always wanted a leather jacket. i went in to the store and straight walk to the leather jacket section. i hold the jacket and felt it. it was so soft. it smells like a genuine leather. i dont know how to describe it but i just knew it with just a smell and by feeling it. the feeling of touching the black fine leather jacket is so undescribable. oh god, i feel like i found something that is so precious that i dont want to let it go. afraid that someone might stole it from me.

a salesgirl approached me. she is as tall of me which means that is short because i am short. she has long thick black hair that looked so shiny and manageable. it is a kind of hair that i wish i could have. anyway, she asked me if i wanted to have a try on the leather jacket. and i suddenly replied,"hell ya!". she looked like she's a little bit surprised with my reply and i just tried the jacket without looking at her. trying to hide my embarrasement of getting to excited to try on the leather jacket. Oh my god! i felt it. i felt it. it felt so smooth and it is like i was born for this jacket. it fits me right. it was like we are meant to be together. nobody could wear it as perfect as i did. oh my god.. i really need this jacket. this bloody fine leather jacket.

i looked at the price, and i gave it back to her, the salesgirl. it was so expensive that i dont think i could manage to buy it. the salesgirl looked at me and asked,"dont you want it? it suits you". this salesgirl also agreed that i was meant to have thos jacket! she knew it too! but how was i to buy the jacket? and suddenly, i got an idea. i open my blue bagpack that was quite heavy where i carried it around everywhere i go because all my stuff is in the bagpack. i carried out my newest laptop. it was the red color of the latest vaio laptop. i bought it for around rm8000 and it was still brand new as i just bought it 2 weeks ago. i offered to the salesgirl as a payment for the leather jacket. and suddenly the salesgirl said, "no". i was shocked. what did she mean by "no"? i told her about the laptop and she said,"i have one and it is in blue color". i was sad. because the laptop was worth more than the leather jacket.

i played with my silver locket that was hanging around on my neck. it was a habit of mine to play with the locket whenever i was sad or i have no idea what to do. and then it hit me. this silver locket was the shaped of love with inscription that says,"yours forever". it was my grandmother's. it is priceless as this is an heirloom posession and this was silver gold and it was very expensive. trust me, i know. i offered it to her and she said "no" again. i said,"what?!". and she replied,"im not interested with your locket". how heartbroken i was to hear it.

i think that jacket will not be mine after all. i was so hertbroken that i decided to leave the store. before i did, i looked at the leather jacket for the last time to say goodbye. i hope i wont see the jacket anymore because i already said goodbye to it. as i was keeping my laptop back in my bag, suddenly the salesgirl screamed. "i want that! i want it!". i was so lost to what she was pointing at. my dusty radio? it was my dad's when he bought it in 1960. he gave it to me and i intended to sell it to an antique shop as i dont like any old things that looked old. i brough out my dusty rdio and showed it to her and said,"this?" and she replied, "yes!! yes!!". and i asked, "are you sure? this thing is so old and i dont know whether it is still working or not". and she said she dont mind at all because she's been looking for that radio for a very long time. she had it before where her mother gave it to her but she lost it. she said,"please, can i have it? we can trade it with the leather jacket that you're dying to have it". i blinked my eyes for a few times. is she for real? well hey, i guess it was my lucky day. a dusty and rusty old radio for a damn fine black leather jacket.

p/s: i tried my best to be creative and that is all what i can do. i hope you like it!

the fasting month

ramadhan is back y'all. it is a fasting month! everybody has to fast! no matter whether you are a boy, a girl, a father, a mother or even a grandmother or grandfather. to some people, the month of ramadhan is the time for diet or to save up some money. but i found it likewise. i think im getting fatter because i ate a lot when i "berbuka puasa" and also because every time after sahur, i would straight away go to sleep. i think that contribute more to my weight gain. as for my money, i keep wasting it every time i go to bazaar by buying too much food because of the feeling hungry where i want to every thing that i saw at the bazaar. i know it is wasting my money and also the food but when you are hungry, every thing also you want to eat. and also i will buy not one type of drinks, but 2 types. that only cost around rm5. crazy! the food? sometimes i am able to spend more that rm10 at bazaar. it looks like i need help or motivation to make me stop both. that might help maybe i know how to spend wisely and therefore my money will be enough for a week.

besides that, during the ramadhan is where we should start to "beribadah" a lot because this is the time for us to make up what we have neglected all a while ago. such as go to terawikh, tadarus al-quran, berzikir a lot, try pray 5 times a day(which i hardly manage to do it and i dont know why), stop saying bad words or gossipping. and guess what, i never manage to do all that either in this fasting month. i am ashamed of myself for not able to do all that. it is like, i prefer more to worldly thing than the religious thing. i should try to cover all that but it seems like hard. it is like i always manage to find excuses in order to not do all the things that i have said above.

enough of that. let me talk what i love the most about ramadhan. it is where i got to eat together with my family. i wish could do it all the time but somehow, i can hardly do it. first, because i only managed to go home during the weekend and sometimes i didnt go home at all the entire week. and secondly, well let just say, it is because of my personal family problem. i dont think i need to explain what it is. it is just that, it is not easy for all of my family members, to be in one table and "berbuka" together. it is only during the ramadhan we managed to that. on top of that, my mom will cook all my fvourite dishes whenever i came home for "berbuka". and it is delicious and yummy and there are a lot of dishes. it is like im having a buffet at my own house. hehe... that is why i like to go home and "berbuka". it is free and it is mom's cooking. who doesnt like their mom's cooking right? and that is also why i cant never managed to lose weight.

but, as a girl there will be a time when i cant fast. it is not like i want to, but i have to. that will be the i hated the most. because i have to "ganti" it later and also, i feel bad to eat when all my other friends are fasting. sometimes i tried not to eat, and i will only drink but somehow i am tempted to eat. haih. poor my friends. they say they dont mind that if i ate in front of them but i always will eat it in my room. i feel so guilty! plus, it is a sin to eat in front of others who are fasting. i feel so lonely when i have to eat alone. i have no one to share food with me.

but, this fasting month, it is fun to "berbuka" with all my friends. well, we will go to bazaar together and we will be so undecided together to think what do we want to eat as we are all feel hungry together. and we will share our food together and we will eat until we cant eat anymore that we feel so sick and tired to do anything else but sleep. i like that moment. we will be so "kecoh" and enjoy our food together.

ramadhan..ramadhan..
bulan beribadat...
im still hoping to manage to do all the "ibadah" thing that i've listed above..
hope i can..

-favourite fictional character-

im not sure of what is my favourite fictional character is. do movies from disney count? if it does, well i would say ariel from the little mermaid. i dont know why, but i really love the movie since i was a little until now. yes, i still watch the movie sometimes when im feeling down or bored. it cheers me up! hehe..

hmm.. why did i choose ariel? well, first of all, she is the most prettiest princess than all the princesses in the disney movie, besides belle from beauty and beast of course. besides that, she is a mermaid. she is not like other human princesses with a beautiful gown and tiara on their head. she has a fish tail. she is different from other princesses where she is adventurous, love to try new things, not afraid to do something on what she believes in and she also does what her heart tell her to do even though her father said "no". she is brave and independant. she does not rely on anybody to get what she wanted. she will try her best to get it herself.

that are some of the characteristics of her that i admire. she encounters many problems and challenges when she wanted to become human and also when she has become human. her father was so mad at her when he found out that she fell in love with a human guy. he broke her heart by destroying the statue of the she fell in love with, eric. and then, ursula, an octopus who have wanted to take over ariel's father thrown to become the queen, take advantage of ariel who wanted to be a human by turning her into human in exchange for her voice that is so beautiful that even eric fell for the voice. and when ariel and eric were almost be together, ursula used ariel's voice to hypnotized eric to get him to be princess. it is sad to see how she has to face all those challenges.

but of course, love conquers everything. the love from her father, ariel's love for eric and also eric's love for ariel beats ursula's wishes to be powerful. and in the end, ariel got what she wanted. to be human and also be together with eric with her father blessings. it is not like typical other disney movie where it involves evil stepmother. it is not fail because most children assumed that stepmother is evil when not all stepmothers are like that. it gave bad imprssion to all stepmothers. poor them. and that is why, i choose to like ariel from "the little mermaid" movie.

-history of reading-

Im not really into reading. i do read but not really. i usually read during the holidays when there is nothing to do at home. only during those times i would buy a few books to read. i love to read books that is not serious. i love light reading;shopaholic, harry potter, lord of the ring, just to name a few.

but i love harry potter the most. because it is a fantasy. we dont have to think logic. it is all fantasy where we dont have to questions to why the characters do what they did. not only that, in harry potter, there are a lot of magical creatures and magic spell that the author created. and it sounds so real that sometimes i think maybe there is magic in this world. harry potter books really make me addicted to read it over and over again. it will not bore me when i read it a lot of times but it makes me more and more wanting to be in harry's world. it is so fun and adventurous. plus, who doesnt want magic in their life that could make their life easier, right? i do!

i think harry potter book is the most influential book in the whole wide world. just imagine, people would camp outside the whole night just to be the first to get the latest series of harry potter. i've never met other people would do that for any other novels. even for the movies, people would go to the movie to watch it. except that the movie is not as good as the book.anywhow, i love harry potter the series is because that the character is so relatable to all the teenagers with all the problems that he has to face such as jealousy from his classmates because he is the center of the attention from everybody especially his headmater, professor dumbledore. who wouldnt hate him because of that, right? he also has problems when it comes to feelings and relationship. isn't that what happens to all teenagers?

besides that, i think that the writing is so detail that sometimes i can feel what the characters are feeling. such as when harry is sad when his godfather,sirius is dead and also when professor dumbledore is dead, too. it really brings me to tears as i can feel what harry is feeling. not to forget that this book is about good vs evil and good always win. i like this kind of book. it shows that goodness and kindness will always win and this will help young children to be good as they know being bad will get punished. jk rowling includes moral values in it and i like it.

i guess, that is all i can say about it. well, for now it is. maybe i'll add up more points when i can think more of why i like harry potter the series. not like, love harry potter the series. that is more correct.hehe

"High Fidelity"

QUESTIONS:

1.What is the movie about?

For those who have not watched the movie, it is about a guy, Rob Gordon who owns a record shop and he is so frustrated to know that his latest girlfriend, Laura, is dumping him after years of living together. And because of that, he thinks that there is something wrong with him because all of his previous girlfriends had dumped him and he needs to know why. He cannot bear of living alone and not knowing why all of them had to left him after living with him for a couple of years. And therefore, he calls all of them and asking them to meet him and ask them the reason they left him. He could not leave Laura alone and he keeps calling her and ask her to meet him and he realizes that he cannot forget Laura and move on that easy even though after he slept with Marie de Salle, the artiste that he met at a club because he loves her. And finally, Laura leaves his new boyfriend, Ian, and she is back with Rob.

2. How it is different from the common love fiction?

Well, as we all know, the common of the love fiction is that, the guy is usually handsome, gentleman, charming, rich, and successful. As for the lady, she has to be beautiful, loveable, and have the mind of her own. It usually starts with the guy meets the girl accidentally and they will hate each other at first but then, they are attracted to each other. But after that, they will have to face obstacles before they can really be together and happily ever after. Well that is the common love fiction.

But for the movie, it is a little bit different. Here, we see that Rob, is totally the opposite from the guy that I have just stated above. He is not rich, not successful, not gentleman and not charming. And he got dumped by all of his girlfriends. But Laura, is beautiful and successful. Other than that, the way Rob proposes Laura is totally different from the common love fiction. Usually, the guy will proposed the girl in a romantic situation where everything is beautiful and memorable but it is different in the movie. The way Rob proposes to her is more spontaneous and also a lot with vulgar words and it is not as sweet as it should be. There is also no ring and he did not get down on one knee like what people would usually do.

3. Who is your favourite character and why?

My favourite character would be Rob's friend that works with him, Dick. I like him because he looks so clueless and naive compared to Rob and Barry. Both of them treat him like he is a stupid person whereas he is actually not. To me, he is actually a very nice guy and a good friend except that he acts like a person who has low self-esteem. I also like the way when he talks to a girl in his shop where she is asking for a band and he is like a very shy guy show it and play the record for her. He looks so cute and very nervous where he ends up dating with the girl while Barry is still single and Rob is still struggling to get Laura back. He looks like he is a very honest and also a responsible guy.

4. Provide an alternative ending.

Well, I would like the ending to be different. I was hoping that he will be together with the journalist that came to his store. And the reason for him to that is because he wants to show to Laura that he could get someone that has the same passion just like him and this time he could dump her instead. It is more like a payback time to Laura. And this time Laura really leave him and never want him back. But Rob feels stupid about it but it is already too late for him to get Laura back and he is left alone again because the journalist also leave him after she finds out Rob is actually just using her.

Problems faced when writing

People usually have problems when they have to do writing. For example:

• Pre-writing:
• lazy
• no idea
• procastinate

• While writing:
• mind block
• run out of ideas
• distracted
• lazy

• Post-writing:
• not confident with their own writing
• ashamed
• don't feel satisfied with their writing

A new semester

A new semester.
I can't believe that right now I'm in part 5 and I don't know if I can survive this semester like I did on my preveious semesters. What I heard from my seniors is that this semester will be the starting of the toughest and the busiest semester than the previous and I am really scared. The new semester already started last week and there were so many things that I needed to do during the first week of the new semester. And the most saddest thing that I had to do for this semester was sending IZZA off to KLIA. This will be the first time I started my new semester without her. It feels weird because I have known her since I was in pre-degree TESL and everybody was sad that day even though we know that she will be gone for only one semester. Forget about the sad thing. Let's talk about the happy thing. For this new semester, I have a new housemate and ELLA is her name. I think this will be fun because last semester, I lived with my cousin only. With her as my housemate and also classmate, we carpool to class together everyday and we will try our best not to enjoy too much as we did last semester. We are trying to be more saving this semester because of the oil price has increased and our allowance is not enough to support us weekly if we keep spending our cash on entertainment. And I have always thinking of changing my hair style for this new semester and I did! I had my hair cut and I think it has been a year that I have not cut my hair and I feel weird for having a short hair again! I hope my friends won't laugh at me because of my hair because I am so nervous to show myself to all of them. Well, so far, there is nothing much interesting happen yet for this new semester but I really hope I can survive this semester and I can pass all the subjects like I did with my previous semesters. And I hope that there will be no 'drama' between me and my friends. I'm hoping to have peace this semester with no troubles that will distract me from my studies. Well, new semester, here I come!